Fighting Discouragement

My beautiful girl!

I am feeling a bit discouraged the last couple of days. There is really not a big reason why, perhaps not even a "good" reason.

She had two therapy sessions this week because we made up for the week she was sick. Ms. T. thinks she's doing great. She is . . . she is adding new words weekly, she is getting more accurate with her attempts, she is much more easily saying two short words together now- like, "bye pa", "ni ni bebe", bye momma", "ni ni daddy" . . . basically "bye...." and "ni....." followed by a name are her two word attempts.

The things I'm discouraged about are "emotional" in McKenna. She seems really frustrated again the last few days. Almost like her brain, her understanding level has gone up another notch leaving her ability to commnuicate further behind. I always notice these cognitive jumps in my children at times and I think she's had one and her communcation has not really jumped and it's really frustrating her. Or perhaps the cognitive jump has just brought more awareness of her deficits, I don't know. She was just very shy and reticient to say "anything" that she didn't feel she could say accurately with Ms. T. this week. This left her only saying words she can already say and basically refusing to even try anything new because she does not want to try and fail. I can just see it in her body. When you ask her to say something she hasn't ever successfully said her body languge just looks defeated. It breaks my heart and it frustrates me because that will only move things along much slower.

She did try a few new things and did have success with "puppy" during therapy which was great. I have been trying to get her to say that for a week. She now will happily say it. But when it takes a week for my soon to be 2 1/2 year old to say the word "puppy" it just . . . well . . . discourages me. Ms. T. did make the comment that it's almost like you have to program every single word with McKenna. After it's been successfully programed she seems to keep it. I guess that is good that she keeps it, but programing painstakingly sometimes a week at a time enough words for her to have an age appropriate conversation seems like an impossibility.

I feel like the older she gets, the smarter she gets the harder this is and I was hoping it would be the other way around.

I have been trying to get her to say "bed" and "sleep", but the smart little stinker will not even try. Instead she inserts an appropriate word that she knows she can say that she knows will communicate the same thing- "ni ni" . . .

It's theraputic for me to spill these negative feelings out here. I'd rather do that then dwell on them or even really talk about them. So if you are reading and praying - thanks! (-:

I know in my head she's not doing badly at all. Ms. T. thinks she's doing GREAT! Sometimes my heart just hurts though...

Love,
Amber