It's Not Like That, But Thanks

Most of the time I remain encouraged and excited about McKenna's speech and her progress, but every once a while I feel a little down and overwhelmed.

Friday we were at a park playing and there was a little girl who acted McKenna's age running around. At one point her mom said, "ok- it's about time to go. We are going to go over to grandma's..." Then the little girl said, "nooo I don't want to go, I want to keep playing." Those words just flowed so effortlessly out of her mouth. They were so clear and understandable. She expressed herself without a struggle without even thinking about it.

I looked at her mom and asked, "how old is she?" the answer, "she just turned 2 a few days ago." I said, "oh, my daughter is 2 as well." This mother looked at my daughter and then looked at hers and said with a sigh, "my daughter is so small for her age." She *was* small compared to McKenna, but McKenna is really almost 2 1/2. So I said, "yeah, well my daughter can't speak, your daughter is doing great with that!" We smiled at each other and then she said, "My nephew wouldn't speak at all. He just didn't want to. Finally at 2 1/2 or 3 he just started talking. They will talk when they want to, don't you worry about it." I just smiled and didn't say anything.

This exact conversation has happened to me so many times since this summer. With family, friends and strangers. The story is always the same, " . . . so and so didn't say a word until they were 3. They just didn't want to, didn't need to."

This is my own little brother's story. He didn't speak until 3 years old.

I say "thanks" because everyone's heart is to comfort me and encourage me, but unfortunately- it's not like that. McKenna *does* want to speak, *tries* to speak. She tries SO HARD. However she can hardly be understood by a stranger and I have to work very hard and be very observant to understand her myself. We get so excited over "bye bye Pa" and "Ni ni Cole". Don't get me wrong I am still so excited and grateful for how far she's come, but sometimes I can't help but compare with her peers and that is when it hurts.

I don't want McKenna to feel sorry for herself. I don't want her to feel bad about herself. So I will strive not to compare and not dwell on these feelings. We need to set an example in that for her.

It helps that I can let this out here though . . . McKenna has so much to say, so much she wants to express and share about herself, her likes and dislikes, her imagination, her desires, her delight. Sometimes when she's excitedly, but laboriously trying to express something to me and I don't understand 1 word she is saying it's all I can do to smile and hold back my tears. McKenna in a lot of ways is still a mystery to us. That breaks my heart a little every day. I have thought of the deaf and specifically of Helen Keller's tragic, but beautiful and eventually victorious story a lot lately. I find myself thinking of my cousin Camilla who though she can hear and speak perfectly has chosen to be fluent in sign language and works long hours as an interpreter for the deaf. Her heart and desire to facilitate communication is so needed and so important. I will never ever take the power of communication for granted ever again.

Thank you for your prayers!

Love,
Amber